The second half of this list is from a far more turbulent time in my life. A time filled with highs and lows, a one night stand and red vines.
[SEVEN] J - Officially you are the .5 on my number. You were a persistent little fuck. You are my only one night stand to date. You smelled amazing and were incredibly attractive. But five minutes in you 'felt bad'. I suppose I should thank you though. You were the reason I slept with number eight.
[EIGHT] A - I saw you the day after seven. You took me out on a real date. You tried to split the check with me. Unfortunately for you, I stopped taking shit this year. We fucked like animals for 12 hours. Mind = Blown. You held me the entire night, cooked me breakfast and gave me a raging UTI. The second time you showed up with energy drinks, red vines and condoms. We watched really terrible TV, talked about computer programming and our families. We saw each other twice after that. And I would still fuck you, if you were still around.
[NINE] D - You were awkward, tall and took me on some fabulous dates. We had sex on date two. It was in a word, disastrous. You constantly went soft and none of my impressive skills (Humility is overrated, folks.) could encourage any other state. You found it funny that you were sexually repressed and I was sexually aggressive. It wasn't funny. I drunkenly booty called you after a holiday party. It was a waste of time. As I pretended to be asleep you creeped out in my apartment for twenty minutes. What were you doing? I always hated it when you called me 'sweetie'.
[TEN] A - You make me laugh. You're obnoxious, abrasive, and over-sexed. Hello match. We fucked and you did filthy things to me. And I loved it. You tell me you miss me, but pussy foot around seeing me. You are a conundrum.
[ELEVEN] E - We chatted two months ago, but our schedules never synced up. You said you would look me up when you were in the area again. Lip service I thought, but you proved me wrong. I'll be honest; I was kind of hoping for a drink, a little banter, and I completely warred with myself about meeting you at your hotel room. But I'm glad I did. Oddly enough, we worked together over the summer but never realized it. You called me sexy and beautiful and I'm pretty sure you meant it. You were kind and ate me out. I totally faked enjoying it. (It's me, not you.) I saw you once more before you flew back home.
[TWELVE] J - We found each other via my favorite dating app. You were upfront about your intentions, which I always appreciate. Our first meeting, we talked and laughed for hours... but you didn't try anything. Not even a good bye hug. Ten minutes after leaving, you text me saying that we should make out sometime. Our second meeting we did far more than just make out. And I loved every minute of it. We'll probably see each other again. But I know you're no good for me. The friendship part of our FWB arrangement oozes superficiality. Out of everyone in this list, even the ones I only saw a few times, you probably respect me the least.
[THIRTEEN] D - You scare the shit out of me. You treat me far better than anyone ever has before. The level of comfort we feel around each other is a little disturbing. I told you about my hobbit feet on our second date and I wasn't even drunk. You shared a secret with me that I don't think you've shared with too many others. You make me feel giddy and fluttery and my brain keeps telling me this is a bad thing. Go home brain, you're drunk. You're also the only man in this list who almost made me use a safe word. Almost.
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