A Three Year Long Distance Love Affair

Long distance relationships can be either incredibly rewarding or draining. The extra effort you find yourself putting into making time for phone calls, letters, texts is sometimes more than most people can handle. I know this first hand and after a two year long relationship with a west coast guy, I came to the realization that I wasn't cut out for this. And I promised myself that I would never even entertain the thought of another.

But then there was Carlos.*

A Charitable Donation

In an effort to increase the frequency of free dinners/drinks as well as the opportunity for further blog hilarity, I'm instituting the one date rule again. I.e., If someone asks me on a date, I will accept the offer, regardless of employment status, IQ, or physical deformity. 

First up, coffee with a socially awkward giant who repairs vending machines for a living.

Your welcome, dear readers. 

Feelings Are Overrated

Urban Dictionary defines hooking up as: 

It begins with a couple drinks and ends with you sneaking out in the morning.

Bob hooked up with Carol. Carol never got the next day phone call.

This type of casual encounter is not my usual MO. But every now and then, Little J wrests the reins of reason from Big J.

Like any other human being with a vag on an internet dating site, I regularly receive propositions for various types of 'hanging out'. Most are quite laughable and easily ignored. But some take you by complete surprise. Enter Dawson.* He was hot, wrote in complete sentences, and was very frank in hashing out the details of meeting up. So with this refreshing change, I found myself driving over to one of the local colleges. (And yes, the fact that he was living in a dorm did tip the scales in his favor.)

After a short walk up to his room and some idle chit chat (He was a senior philosophy major from sunny Florida.), things got serious. Now, dear Dawson was not that great on making eye contact, but I tried to chalk that up to nerves. He was still a hot, young college kid, and Little J has a hard time paying attention to details like that. However, approximately five minutes in, I hear, "Something's not working." He then looks me in the eyes and I'm met with this:

Come Into My Head

So, it's been quite a few years since I've been on the prowl. The last time I engaged in the carnival that is online dating, it was relatively simple and straight forward. Your inbox would eventually fill up with various types of messages ranging from the crude, borderline harassing, lonely men who want a pen pal, and those genuinely interested in basic human interaction.

Much has changed in the past three years apparently. The vast majority of messages seem to be geared towards sexting only. Now, I'm down with some dirty messages. But I find them far more enjoyable when I've met the other party and had some kind of chemistry with them. If I haven't... well, those messages will most likely be the source of some lively water cooler conversation and blog fodder. :/ 

It just makes you wonder about the psychological state of these men. Ideally, if a woman responds in a positive fashion about physically meeting to knock some boots or even just some tennis shoes, an enthusiastic response to solidify plans would be the next logical course of action. Instead, I'm treated to a stall response and then a redirection to the state of his throbbing cock. 

Dudes need to man up!

Learning the art of a segue.

B+ for persistence.

D- for pulling out a third grade insult. There are way better names you could have called me. 

Who am I?

It took some time to come up with the name of this blog. Most of my first choices were already taken. (Turns out the internet is filled with an abundance of bitter, single women. Who knew?)

And so, I give you a selection of Urban Dictionary definitions of the word spinster: 

spinster

a woman who is not married, especially a woman who is no longer young and seems unlikely ever to marry.
Note* A woman who never enters marriage contract is so smart.

"Spinster means a woman who can stand independently and doesn't need a man for her life" (Clearly written by one of my own.)

spinster

A woman who kept on believing in fairytale-like love stories for too long. (i.e., Shooting for the moon will not land you amongst the stars, but most likely in some dive bar in Jersey doing shooters.) 
 

Spinster

1. A first name, as in cougar who likes to eyeball younger men.
2. Anyone with the name "Audrey"
3. An old woman with crust who will soon collect the cats.
4. A woman whose ovaries are becoming dehydrated and may soon fall out.

"Spinster is on the prowl again....I saw her in the middle school parking lot last night" (This. THIS.)

 

Spinster

An elderly or aging female who due to a combination of major personality flaws, undesirable personal habits, and unattractive physical appearance has never married. It is not uncommon for a spinster to have had many short term romantic relationships and to have spread her legs for many men. Females begin to enter spinster territory at the age of 35 or the first appearance of gray hair and or crow's feet.

Females often claim to be, "career oriented" or "independent" to help them come to terms with being a spinster. (Shit. Apparently I've held this title for far longer than I was aware.) 

Did I request a wake up call?

And thus began another foray into the world of internet dating. Someone please pray/think good thoughts for me.